Allison's Rite of Passage (Honestly, no pun intended!)

I have a confession to make to you all: I am a terrible potty trainer. As much as I have grown weary of Pull-Ups, which are glorified diapers, I hate potty training even more. As a result, I have a 4 3/4 year old child who has no interest in using the potty.

Big deal, you might say. But it's embarrassing to have a child so big who runs up to you within earshot of other parents and says, "Mommy, I just pooped in my diaper."

At Allie's last pediatrician appointment several months ago, we talked about the situation. I explained how I tried everything: stickers, charts, incentive toys, and so on, but that she just completely lost interest. Her doctor said, "It's a power struggle. Just ask her, 'Is it time to go potty?'" That got me nowhere. Every time I asked her, the answer was always no.

Last month when the kids were sick we went back to the doctor's office and happened to see a different pediatrician -- one of those who fill in from time to time. I ashamedly told her that Allison was still in diapers at 4 1/2 years of age. She gave me the best advice: "Put her in underwear. That's it. It worked for my son. After two weeks he stayed dry all the time."
It wasn't the first time I had heard that advice. I had even tried it before. I had been loath to do it again because of how disgusting it is to rinse poop out of underwear (I actually gag) and to remove the lingering pee smell from the couch. No wonder I didn't stick with it for longer than a weekend.

Now, however, I have made a commitment to stick with this for as long as it takes. The time seems right for both of us. As of yesterday, Allison is in underwear all day long. No more using Pull-ups as a crutch for either of us. It's time to move on.

I've been doing some soul searching, trying to figure out what went wrong with potty training. Not to look for excuses or to find fault with myself, but to take an honest inside look and ask myself what the heck am I doing and why am I not doing what I feel I should be doing. I discovered that for some strange reason, change is hard for me. I can't help but blame myself for my children's delays. Just when I get my children figured out and I learn how to meet their needs, I find they've grown and their needs have changed and I have to catch up. While I may not win any awards for mother-of-the-year anytime soon, I love them earnestly and I'm convinced that they know it and that they can be secure in that knowledge. (Sniff) They're very affectionate kiddos.

So how have the first two days of underwear gone? Yesterday, which was day one, started out discouraging. After swim lessons, I put her in underwear and we went to the library. She sat down on the carpet and I asked if she had to go and she said no. A minute later, she peed right there. That was a frustrating beginning, naturally, but I am proud to say that she improved today. Today I got out some rubber pants for her to wear over her underwear to help contain any messes. They leak, but it's better than nothing and it's certainly better than diapers. She told me 6 or 7 times that she had to go potty today and actually went three or four of those times. I give her lots of hugs and when Isaac's around, we all hug each other and I say something like, "Hey, Isaac! Allie's going in the potty just like you and me! Isn't that so cool?? I'm so glad you guys use the potty." I also had to clean poop out of her underwear but it wasn't so bad now that I have faith that this will all be over in a couple of weeks of consistency.

Maybe change isn't so bad after all. It's turning out that this rite of passage for my daughter is turning out to be a rite of passage for me, too.