A Letter to Mom

October 26, 2019

Mom,

I'm writing to let you know that your father passed away at the end of August. Isaac and I drove down to Indiana for the funeral. (Shane and Allie stayed behind because she had daily tennis practices and a match or two.) It was wonderful to see everyone. Aunt Sharon was there from Idaho and stayed with Grandma for a few weeks. She is retired now an is considering a move to Arizona. Aunt Margo and Uncle Bob were there. Sasha, Wes and his wife, and Vanessa were there. Uncle Jim, Uncle John and Aunt Deb, Megan (who was expecting her 3rd baby at the time), Jonny and his wife and their little girl, Jack, Jarod and his fiancee (now wife) were also there. As was Uncle Rod and Aunt Betty. We missed you, Uncle Mike, Aunt Leslie, and Collin. Uncle Mike has been losing his vision and Aunt Leslie has dementia. Lots of friends were also there.
The funeral was at the beautifully restored Sweet Church. The bell was rung 95 times as the pallbearers carried the casket across the road to Sweet Cemetery. Grandad's resting place is in the far left corner -- right up against the corn fields. Very appropriate for someone who farmed til he was ninety. The VFW was there and presented their gun salute. My favorite part were the three sailors from the US Navy in their crisp white uniforms. They folded the flag that draped the coffin with precision and care. One of them presented it to Grandma with the words, "On behalf of the United States Navy and the President of the United States, we thank you...." I don't remember the words exactly. There was much sniffling as it was a very moving moment.
After the funeral, Grandma had a minor stroke, followed by another 2 weeks later. An MRI revealed early stages of Alzheimer's. It's my understanding that the stroke didn't have any lasting effects; however at 94 years of age, she is frail.
Shane and the kids and I are doing well. Isaac is enjoying his senior year by joining every orchestra around. He's quite good at the string bass and at music composition. We're looking at colleges.
Allie is enjoying her sophomore year. She enjoyed her 2nd year of junior varsity tennis and has her sights on making varsity next year. She loves tennis so much, she played it daily during the summer. She has the tan to prove it.
I work at a local middle school in special education and I enjoy it. It's rewarding work.
Shane works from home still and enjoys the work he does. He has our dog to keep him company. In February of 2018, we adopted a rescue dog. She's a yellow lab mix about 60 lbs and her name is Raelyn. We got her when she was a year and 3 months old. She was brought up to Wisconsin from Alabama with her one remaining puppy from a litter she just had. It would have been nice if we had been able to keep them together but we couldn't handle a puppy in winter with no one to potty train it except Shane who would be trying to get his own work done. Allie and I are especially fond of Raelyn. She sleeps on her bed at night and takes up quite a lot of space! We laugh about it.
Our kids are growing up and are very nearly grown. We're proud of the young adults they're becoming. They are kind, considerate, generous, polite, thoughtful, and so much more. You would be proud. I know you are. Perhaps one day you'll get to meet them. It is unfortunate that circumstances have not allowed that to happen. Please be patient. I know you don't understand. No doubt it's been painful for you. Please stop calling the police in my area. We are fine. We are not alcoholics. Your disorganized thinking is telling you that. I know it's not your fault. Schizophrenia is a terrible disease that has cost you so much. If only you were aware of how much you stood to lose when you stopped taking your anti-psychotic meds in the late 1990's. Oh well. What's done is done.
I'm happy to send you occasional letters on how we're doing and what we're up to as long as you stop trying to convince people that my children belong with you. Not gonna happen, Mom. When they are adults, they can choose whether or not to meet you. You're just going to have to wait.
Until then, focus on the good things in your life. Be kind to others. Make new friends. Be the kind of person that you want your grandchildren to look up to. Take care of yourself.

Love,

Cindy