Things My Grandma Taught Me

To Grandma Sieber, with love.

Things my grandma taught me:

• Hospitality - "Are you hungry? Here, let me fry you up a pork chop."
• Generosity - "Come down to the cellar and you can collect the pennies from all the pocket change left on the table." My Bugs Bunny bank held a lot of those pennies!
• A love of animals, including how to talk to cats (and dogs) - Grandma once had a black-and-white cat named Blackfoot, whom she adored. He adored her right back. I marvelled at how he would flop down on his back and writhe around happily at her feet while she cooed at him, telling him what a good kitty he was. To me, he was a snob:  hissing merely because I wanted to pet him. (How dare he?! I was totally innocent!) Haha. Incidentally, I still talk to cats and dogs the way I saw her do it and it drives my husband nuts. He'll leave the room if I start up. 😄
• The importance of quality time - Before I knew what "quality time" was, I knew that my relationship with my grandma was a special one. Although some of my best memories are at my other grandma's house (thanks to cousins), Grandma Sieber was my favorite grandparent hands down. She spent a lot of one-on-one time with me. She taught me how to play cards, how to shuffle (an important life skill, as I once tried to convince my reluctant daughter), how to play Chinese Checkers, how to bake bread with its many steps: kneading, punching the dough down after it rose... Those were wonderful years when I had grandma all to myself. ❤ (EDIT: I don't mean for this to come across as bragging. As an only child of a mentally ill mom, I grew up spending so much time by myself, that it meant that much more to me that Grandma was willing to spend time with me. My mom was often in her own little world. Case in point: one day she was tending to her flower garden and ignoring my attempts to get her attention. Apparently, I decided to run over her 'precious' annuals with my bike. The neighbor, who recounted this story to me years later, watched in sadness as my mom continued to ignore me and forlornly tried to put her flowers back together. I understand it now, and even feel compassion for her, but back then, well - let's just say that her lack of attention to me was difficult in many ways.)<3 li="">
• The importance of a sense of humor - We often enjoyed making each other laugh. We could joke around over the phone for 30 minutes without really saying anything at all. Silly phrases like, "Dad burn it anyhow," "He doesn't know sick-'em," "Have I reached the party to whom I'm speaking?" and "See you in the funnies!" It didn't make sense to anyone but us. As an adult, I also talk to my daughter in our own special lingo, which (surprise!) drives Shane nuts, so we're stealthy about it. 😏
• How to laugh with your whole face - I loved it when she'd throw her head back and guffaw. Once, in the 1970's, my dad took a well-timed picture of her doing that. It's one of my favorite pictures ever.
• How to use nicknames as terms of endearment - Hers for me was, "Cinny Linnie;" mine for her was "Grandma Linnie." (Naturally!) Once again, I have continued this tradition with my children and my pets. Isaac is "I-Zee", Allie is "Sweets", and Raelyn the dog is "Rae-Nut."
• How to make birthdays special - Grandma made a three-layer white cake with butterscotch pudding in between, covered with seven-minute frosting. It was a sight to behold and heaven to eat. She made one for everyone's birthdays. I didn't realize the amount of work involved until I grew up and moved away. I missed her cakes so much, I decided to make them myself. I quickly gained a new appreciation for her and the time it took to make just one cake with all of its assembled parts.
• A love of family - Grandma loved all of us. After my mother's schizophrenia became profound, causing her to denounce Grandma and Grandad, Grandma once told me that she and Grandad would welcome her back with open arms, no questions asked.
• The importance of healthy habits - At the breakfast table one morning, I watched Grandma lay a paper towel on the table in front of Grandad, then one-by-one, she placed several vitamins on it. Aghast, I asked, "Is that all Grandad gets for breakfast??" I was relieved when she brought out a box of Frosted Flakes.
• The importance of staying physically active - She enjoyed cooking and baking for loved ones and farmhands, vegetable gardening and flower gardening, playing bridge, and a great many other things. She wasn't one to sit on her hands. Her longevity speaks for itself.
• How to get little ones to sleep - Once in a while, I would stay the night at Grandma and Grandad's house. As I settled in for the night, she tucked me in - starting at my toes, working her way up my wiggly legs and arms as we both giggled. Then, she soothingly crooned, "Seepy-seepy-seep.... Seepy-seepy-seep..."  I used that a good many times over the years with my own kids and with kids in my care. My friends called me "The Baby Whisperer" because of it. I was proud to say, "I learned it from my grandma, who learned it from her mother."

Grandma, if you ever get a chance to read this, I just want to thank you for your investment in me when I was young. As you can see, I have relied on your example on multiple occasions, as you no doubt relied on your mother's and your aunts' examples. Someday, my children will rely on my example. All this excellence has stayed in the family and will continue on through generations. We are strong women who come from strong women.

I love you, Grandma Linnie. Yours, Cinny Linnie<3 div="">

Cindy's 37th Birthday

My 37th birthday was this past Sunday. It was a blessing to hear from so many of my friends on Facebook who sent their birthday wishes. Isaac and Allison brought my presents to my bedside in the morning while Shane and I were attempting to sleep in. :) Allison got me a princess tiara and Isaac got me some toy capsules that dissolve into spongy insects in warm water (dontcha love it? :) and Shane and kids together got me a lovely snow globe with a verse on it about a mother's love. It was very sweet. We ate brunch and later on had birthday cake and ate an early supper at Taco Bell and then went to church at 4:30pm. After the kids were in bed we watched an old Frank Capra/Jimmy Stewart movie, "You Can't Take it With You." I've always wanted to see it. It was good.

Is it really Tuesday today? This week is already going by so fast! Our school system has no school on Thursday and Friday this week and temps are supposed to be in the mid-to-upper 70's both days. Ahhhh... I can feel the sun's warmth already! I can't wait to soak it in! I was cold today, so this afternoon I decided to warm up my favorite way -- by taking a bath. Allie was playing games on the computer and I told her where I was and that if she needed me to come and knock on my bathroom door. No sooner did I sit in the perfectly warm and relaxing tub than she starting wailing. I'm like, what in the world is going on? I called out to her and she wouldn't answer me. I got out and opened the door a crack and asked her again, and she said that the internet wasn't working. I reminded her that she's supposed to come get me and use her words, not sit there and cry! I got her to calm down, come to my room and watch tv on my bed until I finished washing. So much for soaking!

Judging from my last post, I forgot to update you all on my sinus problem. My ENT says I have Rhinitis, an inflammation of the nasal passages. I'm to rinse my sinuses twice a day and continue taking Nasonex. I still feel like I have a cold all time. Poo. He also said I can't have inner ear surgery until year after the hole in my eardrum heals. No big deal there. I know I'm missing some sounds but I can hear enough to get by, for now.

I just wrote a long letter to a long-lost high school friend, so I'm ready to take a break from the computer and sit in front of the tv with my husband. (If you're reading this, hellloooo, Lori Recker!!!)

Later!

Ear Problems

What a weekend. Friday night at dinner Allie's ears started hurting so bad she was in tears. She and I left our dinners on the table and left for Urgent Care right then and there. She's now on an antibiotic for a double ear infection and possible strep throat. I say 'possible' because since Isaac had it a few weeks ago, they wanted to treat her just to be safe. Urgent Care was super busy and we didn't get out of there until 2 hours later. Thankfully, the ibuprofen I gave her had taken her pain away while we were waiting or else it would've been really horrible to have a crying, whining child in the waiting room and not be able to do much about it.

Saturday was fun. It rained all day and so we played boardgames, Uno, and games on the Wii.

Sunday morning we went to church at 10:45 am instead of the usual 4:30pm time. I woke up so tired that morning and I could hardly wake up even though it was 9am. We were planning to have some friends over for dinner, but unfortunately, it started sleeting and the roads were getting bad so they cancelled. It's just as well, since I developed an earache in the afternoon and had to go to Urgent Care. The physician's assistant said my eardrum looked white instead of red. I said, it really does hurt! So he prescribed an antibiotic for me anyway. After I got back from the doctor and the pharmacy, I blew my nose and the pain in my ear went through the roof. (I didn't know until afterwards that you're not supposed to blow your nose when you have an earache.) Shane had a hot water bottle ready for me and I sat down with it and tried to relax. A few minutes later, my eardrum burst. Wow, did that ever hurt. It brought tears to my eyes. My ear bled for about two hours and continued to drain fluid. I called Urgent Care and talked to the physician's assistant who saw me and I happened to mention that I have scar tissue on that eardrum. He said, "Oh, no wonder it was white! I couldn't see the infection because of the scar tissue. You should see your ENT." So, now I have an appointment with my ENT for Thursday afternoon. I want to make sure my eardrum heals properly, especially since there's so much scar tissue on it already. The ENT's nurse said my eardrums burst because of a sinus infection. I thought that was interesting. She seemed more concerned about my sinuses than my ears. I don't think anything can be done about my sinuses, however, because my CAT scan results were normal. If you ask me, something's not right with my eustacian tubes. They never drain the way they're supposed to. I hope Thursday's appointment goes well and that the ENT and I can communicate clearly so we can understand what's going on and how to treat it. I wonder if there's a way to get rid of the scar tissue. I can hardly wait for Thursday!

A Morning of Thankfulness and Praise!

I'm having a great morning. School was cancelled again today due to freezing temps and I am at home with my two lovely children. Isaac just left to go on a playdate with his friend D.J. Allie is singing loudly in the bathtub and playing with her tub toys.

As for me, I am praising God because my ears are finally opening up. I've been trying unsuccessfully to pop my ears for weeks, when suddenly I heard a click when I swallowed and I thought, "This could be it. Now would be a good time to try to pop my ears." I tried it and I heard a rapid succession of popping that sounded like fireworks. I knew right away it had worked because I suddenly became aware that the music in my room was unbearably loud. This is only my right ear, mind you. But I'll take what I can get. In the meantime, I'll keep believing that the left ear will open soon, too. Praise the Lord! - which is exactly what I did when my ear opened up. I was listening to praise music by Phillips, Craig, and Dean (PCD) and boy, did the lyrics ever speak to me:

"Like an ocean breeze blowing on your face

like a summer sun with it's warm embrace

like a gentle rain plays a symphony

that's what I want my praise to be.

Like a fragrant rose in the early Spring,

like an eagle soars when it spreads its wings

Whatever, Lord, you may need from me

That's what I want my praise to be."

I love how the lyrics in this song captivate my senses. Having one of them restored to me filled my heart with thankfullness and praise. Thank you, Lord! May your name be praised!

Happy New Year!

It's been awhile since I last wrote. Here's what's been going on in the Bentz household.

• I registered Allie for Kindergarten this week. We went to the District Office to drop off the forms and I turned to Allie and said, "That's it. You're now registered for Kindergarten!" Allie jumped up and down and said,"Hooray! Can I ride on the bus with Isaac tomorrow?" I told her, "Not yet. You have to finish preschool first and then you'll go to Kindergarten in the Fall."
• We are under a Wind Chill Warning from 6pm tonight (Wed.) through noon Friday. Area schools are expected to be cancelled. Tomorrow's high is minus 5 degrees and the wind chills are expected to be between 35 and 45 below zero. Even if school isn't cancelled, I'm keeping Isaac home!
• Isaac and I went to Cub Scouts last night. He decorated some lovely votive candleholders and colored a page that showed the Food Guide Pyramid. Afterwards we went to the library to get some books and videos to ward off any cabin fever we might get in the next few days.
• Last Friday we had friends over to watch our favorite TV show "Psych" and play a board game called Settlers of Catan, which I got for Christmas. We had a great time. The game went for an hour or two and we opened a bottle of wine which I got for Christmas from Dad and Diane. It was good red wine from Steuben County, IN, called 101 Lakes.
• Allie has her first eye doctor appointment coming up in a week or two. It's not required for addmission to Kindergarten, but they strongly recommend it. I'm curious to see what her vision is, because we're forever telling her to back away from the tv.
• Isaac seems to be doing well in school. He's reading at a 2nd grade level. I wish he enjoyed reading as much as I do. I can only get him to read the books he brings home for homework. Otherwise, he wants me to read to him. I bought him some chapter books recently to try to peak his interest. Some of them are simplified versions of books like "Treasure Island" and there's also a book about the history of chocolate, which he loved.
• I have an appoinment with my ear doctor in a few weeks to test my hearing and talk about whether I qualify for ear surgery yet. In case you forgot or didn't know, I have a dead bone in my ear that needs to be replaced when my hearing gets bad enough. Aside from temporary hearing loss from my headcold and allergies, I haven't noticed any dramatic hearing loss, so I'll be surprised if I qualify for surgery yet.
• I just finished cleaning the kids' toilet upstairs, a job I hate. Brock had an accident, which is rare and totally fine and understandable. There was pee on the floor and on the sides of the bowl, which I cleaned up. While I was there, I cleaned the toilet and the walls and floor around it because Isaac keeps missing the mark. I'm so glad I painted the walls with semi-gloss paint! Cleaning that toilet would be so much easier if he made the mark.
• I've enjoyed seeing my Mapes aunts and uncles and cousins on Facebook recently. If you don't know what Facebook is, it's a social networking website. I've been in better contact with them lately than I ever have been. What a blessing it's been to get to know my family all over again. Many of them live in the Fort Wayne area. Others live all over: Southern Indiana, San Diego, Seattle, Tucson, Ft. Sill, OK, Phoenix, and Arkansas. I've also been able to reconnect with old friends from high school and college who I thought I would never see again.
• I'm currently reading a large volume of short stories about the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle, as well as "Memoirs of a Mangy Lover" by Groucho Marx. It's not Groucho's best work; I far prefer his autobiography called "Groucho and Me," which I own a copy of and read it over and over again because it's so funny. Back to Sherlock Holmes. The stories are very interesting and often have plot twists. The stories take place in London in the late 1800's. If you know me, you know that I love English literature before 1900. They have a way of writing with such wordy conciseness (an oxymoron, I know) and they sometimes use big words that stretch one's vocabularly. Perhaps later this year I'll look into Charles Dickens' books too.
• Time to go read to Brock and Allie before naptime. Brock usually sleeps from 2 to 3:30. Allie usually stays up and plays quietly. Today, I may have her take a nap because she's been such a grouch. Wish me luck! :)

Allison's Rite of Passage (Honestly, no pun intended!)

I have a confession to make to you all: I am a terrible potty trainer. As much as I have grown weary of Pull-Ups, which are glorified diapers, I hate potty training even more. As a result, I have a 4 3/4 year old child who has no interest in using the potty.

Big deal, you might say. But it's embarrassing to have a child so big who runs up to you within earshot of other parents and says, "Mommy, I just pooped in my diaper."

At Allie's last pediatrician appointment several months ago, we talked about the situation. I explained how I tried everything: stickers, charts, incentive toys, and so on, but that she just completely lost interest. Her doctor said, "It's a power struggle. Just ask her, 'Is it time to go potty?'" That got me nowhere. Every time I asked her, the answer was always no.

Last month when the kids were sick we went back to the doctor's office and happened to see a different pediatrician -- one of those who fill in from time to time. I ashamedly told her that Allison was still in diapers at 4 1/2 years of age. She gave me the best advice: "Put her in underwear. That's it. It worked for my son. After two weeks he stayed dry all the time."
It wasn't the first time I had heard that advice. I had even tried it before. I had been loath to do it again because of how disgusting it is to rinse poop out of underwear (I actually gag) and to remove the lingering pee smell from the couch. No wonder I didn't stick with it for longer than a weekend.

Now, however, I have made a commitment to stick with this for as long as it takes. The time seems right for both of us. As of yesterday, Allison is in underwear all day long. No more using Pull-ups as a crutch for either of us. It's time to move on.

I've been doing some soul searching, trying to figure out what went wrong with potty training. Not to look for excuses or to find fault with myself, but to take an honest inside look and ask myself what the heck am I doing and why am I not doing what I feel I should be doing. I discovered that for some strange reason, change is hard for me. I can't help but blame myself for my children's delays. Just when I get my children figured out and I learn how to meet their needs, I find they've grown and their needs have changed and I have to catch up. While I may not win any awards for mother-of-the-year anytime soon, I love them earnestly and I'm convinced that they know it and that they can be secure in that knowledge. (Sniff) They're very affectionate kiddos.

So how have the first two days of underwear gone? Yesterday, which was day one, started out discouraging. After swim lessons, I put her in underwear and we went to the library. She sat down on the carpet and I asked if she had to go and she said no. A minute later, she peed right there. That was a frustrating beginning, naturally, but I am proud to say that she improved today. Today I got out some rubber pants for her to wear over her underwear to help contain any messes. They leak, but it's better than nothing and it's certainly better than diapers. She told me 6 or 7 times that she had to go potty today and actually went three or four of those times. I give her lots of hugs and when Isaac's around, we all hug each other and I say something like, "Hey, Isaac! Allie's going in the potty just like you and me! Isn't that so cool?? I'm so glad you guys use the potty." I also had to clean poop out of her underwear but it wasn't so bad now that I have faith that this will all be over in a couple of weeks of consistency.

Maybe change isn't so bad after all. It's turning out that this rite of passage for my daughter is turning out to be a rite of passage for me, too.

What we've been up to lately

Hello everyone!

It's been awhile since I posted but it's been a busy last couple of weeks. Our InterVarsity intern and 3-month houseguest Sarah moved in with us last weekend. It's been a joy getting to know her and finding out that we both like musicals and like to randomly burst into song! Yeah! She likes kids, has an easygoing personality, is physically active, and seems like a good fit for our family. Tomorrow morning she's running in a 5K race and Sunday she's going to Chicago to watch a baseball game with the other interns. Tonight the five of us enjoyed pizza, Crazy Bread, fresh pineapple, and a board game. Allie quit before it was over, which is typical!

Isaac graduated from Kindergarten today. (There are still 6 1/2 school days left.) Shane and I went and heard his class sing a few songs. One was a tearjerker and yes, I cried. Shane videotaped the program. If I ever figure out how to get it on the computer, I'll put it on here so you can watch it. I also cried when it was Isaac's turn to get his diploma. This school year went so fast!

Tomorrow I go to cooking club all day. That's the club I'm in where I get together with 3 friends and we each take home 30 meals (that's 120 total divided between the four of us). We buy all the ingredients in bulk beforehand and split the cost. It usually comes to about $200 for those 30 meals. (Three each of 10 different recipes.) It's grueling but rewarding. We also have a lot of prepwork beforehand. This time I was assigned to cook and cube 9 lbs. of chicken, cut 6 lbs. of raw chicken into strips, pick up 36 steaks from the butcher and make room for them in my fridge, which is already full from storing 48 lbs. of chicken breasts. It's funny when you open our fridge because every square inch of space inside is packed! It's a minor inconvienence for all the easy freezer meals we'll get!

It's been an exhausting last couple of weeks and I'll be glad when it's Sunday and I have nothing pressing to do. A real Sabbath for me! What a concept! The weather is supposed to be nice and in the 70's this weekend and then it's supposed to rain a lot next week. Which reminds me, Isaac's first T-ball/Little League game is Tuesday. He's on the roster for playing catcher and pitcher. The last couple of practices haven't been as fun for him. Please pray for him not to be discouraged but that he would learn how to play and be part of a team and most of all, have fun in the process. Shane and I want this to be a positive learning experience for him.

That's all for now. Time for me to finish the dishes and then turn in early. Hello to our Indiana family! Hope you all are well! Keep in touch!

What's New

Some of you faithful readers have been waiting a while for another post. I apologize. Spring has sprung in Southern Wisconsin and we have been spending less time indoors. Here's a rundown of what's new in the Bentz household.

• Isaac's left tooth has finally broken through the gum. It's been awhile since he's had any teeth up there! The right tooth may take a little longer due to nerve damage that happened when he nearly knocked it out two years ago.


• We're going to have an InterVarsity intern live with us for 3 months over the summer. Her name is Sarah. She's from Virginia. We spoke over the phone and we really hit it off. I'm looking forward to meeting her in person. The rent we'll receive from her staying with us will help offset the loss of my babysitting income over the summer. Shane and I are thinking of putting her in one of the kids' rooms and moving the kids into the same room while she's here. We could put her in the roomy bonus room, but it gets very hot in the summer. However, that would probably be the best place for her if we get an air conditioner.


• Shane is building a huge shelf for our storage room in the basement. It's going to be a much nicer place to store all of our Sam's club buys. We always have plenty of paper towels, toilet paper, canned veggies and fruit, cereal, napkins, and whatnot.


• Shane's Mom and Bill came up and stayed with us last week. It was a lovely visit and we hated to see them go. The next morning at breakfast, Allie asked me, "Are Grandma and Papa coming over today?"
• Shane has two days of meetings coming up on Monday and Tuesday and will be working about 12 hours those two days. Please pray for God's will to be done as big decisions are being made that may affect him.
• Have you noticed the poll in the right-hand margin asking you to vote on whether I keep my gray hair? Well, I finally decided to color it dark brown. It was too dark at first but now it's showing some "natural" highlights. The salt and pepper look is not for me. Maybe in a few years when I have more gray, I'll let it go au naturelle. For now, I'm going to have to be chained to the coloring bottle.
• I'm still doing exercise classes at the gym. I'm not losing any weight but at least I'm gaining muscle and building endurance. If only I could break my love affair with sweets, I might get somewhere!
• Shane bought a big HD tv recently. It's for the basement when we get it finished. For now, it's on our dresser. I love sitting on our bed folding laundry with the tv on.
• I have one more Stampin' Up! workshop to do next month, and then I'm retiring. I'll keep selling Stampin' Up! products for anyone who wants to place an order, but no more workshops for me. As long as I still sell $300 a quarter to meet my sales quota, I'll keep my active status. For right now, I'll be able to place orders through the end of the year. After that, I don't yet know.
• I got a laptop for my birthday last week. It's been nice to take it all over the house and even outside while the kids are playing. No more wondering what the kids are up to downstairs while I'm using the computer. Now I can go where they go. It's pretty sweet! Thank you, Bill, Kay, and Shane!
• Allison is doing a great job writing her name and is showing more of an interest in words. She likes to put a bunch of letter magnets together and ask me, "Mom, what does this spell?"
• I signed the kids up for a slew of summer school classes in July. Both kids will take swim class at the Oregon Pool. Allison will also take a pre-Kindergarten class for 4-year-olds. Isaac has an earth science class and a math game class. Isaac will also be in t-ball. He's excited about it. I can't wait to take some home video of one of his games! By the way, summer school here in Oregon is nothing like the remedial bore that I had to endure as a kid. It's very popular here, and classes fill up in minutes. Our school system has a lot to offer and I'm so glad we're in it!
• Shane and I went out to dinner for my birthday. That morning I had a restaurant in mind but I couldn't remember the name of it. So I searched online and made reservations and that night we went there. Only it wasn't the restaurant I thought it was. On the way, we actually passed the restaurant I had in mind but couldn't remember the name of. But we decided to check the other place out. It turned out to be a super fancy place. We just about died when we saw the prices on the menu. The average dinner was $50. That's just for one person. I was like, my birthday isn't worth this much! So we made up an excuse to the hostess and left. We went to the other place and was told that the wait was 45 minutes! Yikes! We called the sitter to let her know we might be late and we even debated going to yet another restaurant, but everything turned out ok because we were seated after only 20 minutes. It was a delicious Italian meal. I never had spinach fettucine noodles before, and now I'm hooked. Yum.
• Our dear friends Nathan and Kelli and their one-year-old son Eli are coming over for brunch tomorrow morning, so I'd better hit the hay or I'm going to be toast in the morning! Ha ha! Later!

New Design, Better Card Sample

The colors are darker in real life. I used Versamark and used chalks to color the image. The grass and trees are Certainly Celery, the sun is Apricot Appeal, the flower is Regal Rose, and the bird is Almost Amethyst. I wish it showed up in the scan!

I like this one way better than the one I posted below. I hope you like it better, too!

My Story, Part 2: The Day Mom's Fiance Died

This is a long post, so get comfortable. You might want to grab a cup of coffee or go to the bathroom first. I'll wait. :)

First, a bit of background information. My mom dated a wonderful man named Karl in the mid 1980's. He was a divorced father of 3 grown children. He fit right in with Mom and me. He made us laugh with his easygoing personality and charm. In 1987 they got engaged. However, Karl had a secret problem: he was an alcoholic. I never saw him drink. If he was ever drunk around me, I never knew it. With Mom's support he entered into rehab and stayed sober until they went to his office Christmas party and he unknowingly drank spiked punch. A relapse followed. Then in early March she told me she broke up with Karl because he relapsed and needed to hit bottom. A week later, he was dead.

The Day Karl Hedges Died

It was March something, 1988. Mom and I were at home in our 2-story townhouse apartment. It was morning, one of those mornings where the sky is gray and the day is slow in dawning. Mom was lying in bed, which was where she spent most of her time in those days. I was in my room doing 15-year-old girl things like listening to the radio and playing with makeup.

The phone rang, which was not unusual with my mom's many friends. What was unusual was that it was a man I never heard of before, asking for Mom. I called out, "It's for you. It's a Dr. Alinah." Mom looked surprised. Out of curiosity, I stayed at the foot of her bed and listened to her side of the conversation. "Hello? Yes, this is Pat Mapes... Yeah...? What?? NO! OH, NO! NOT KARL! OH, NO-O-O-O-O!!! Mom started sobbing and hung up. (I later found out that Dr. Alinah was the Whitley County Coroner.)

"Mom! What happened??" Listening to her half of the conversation left me with a sense of deep foreboding and alarm. "Karl's dead!," she wailed, continuing to sob. I'll never forget hearing those words, seeing the pain in her face, and feeling totally helpless. My knees went weak and my stomach fell through the floor. Karl, gone? It couldn't be! I tried to comfort my mother, but I every time I put my hand on her shoulder it felt so awkward. I was relieved when she picked up the phone to call someone (probably Grandma or Aunt Margo) to tell them the news and probably to receive the comfort which I was too young to give. It was then that I heard the horrible details of his death. He died of carbon monoxide poisoning in his garage. A suicide note was found on the kitchen table along with a check to my mom for one hundred dollars. (It ended up being no good -- his assets were frozen.)

I went back to my room and sat on the floor to think. When was the last time we saw Karl? I couldn't exactly remember but I knew it had been at least a week, because a week ago Mom told me that she was breaking up with him. I could tell she still loved him and expected him to hit bottom eventually, get rehabbed again, and to pick up their relationship where it left off. There was no way she could have foreseen the disastrous events a week later. It was a nightmare. Karl's death was only the beginning.

A couple of days later we travelled about 150 miles to Karl's hometown for his funeral. As soon as we got out of our car, we were asked to leave by Karl's sons. I hung back, but Mom was determined to see Karl's body and to say goodbye. She marched past them; I followed timidly. I was surprised to see only Karl's immediate family: his three grown children, his five sisters, and even his ex-wife. The atmosphere grew very cold when we entered the room. Again we were asked to leave. How dare we show our faces here, they wanted to know. Karl's sons Dean and Troy and his daughter Stacey were downright hostile. All three of them were yelling at us, accusing us of being responsible for his death. Stacey and I literally stood nose to nose while she yelled in my face. I was too shocked to move (or to cry, thank goodness!). She was bigger than me and I wasn't about to upset her further. I was puzzled to say the least. Blaming us for Karl's suicide was ludicrous, but they were angry. Looking back now, I can see that it must have been too painful to blame their own dad for leaving them. I was relieved when the funeral director came in to restore order. He let us approach the casket for a minute, and then we had to leave. Mom took out the wedding band they had chosen together and placed it on his finger. Karl's kids were scandalized; one of them snatched the ring away while we were still standing there. Mom turned to me and whispered, "He moved. Did you see that? He moved!" I didn't see what she was talking about. I was just eager to get out of there in one piece. We whispered our emotional goodbyes to Karl and left.

It was during this trip that I first noticed Mom acting strangely. She told me that as she put the wedding band on Karl's finger that he moved and that it was a sign. I think this was where she began to believe that he was coming back from the dead. (There's a whole other story in there that I'll save for another post.) Mom became very afraid and wary. She thought that she was being watched and that our phone lines were bugged. She thought Karl's sons were "after us." Then she thought the Welfare people were "after us." One time she stopped at a pay phone and called a local news channel to tell them she had a big news story. Something about Welfare and that it was going to be BIG.

Mom became increasingly more fearful. We even stayed in a motel for a couple of nights. I must say, it was weird to have your mom drive you to school from a motel. After two nights, she ran out of money and we went back to our apartment. Then Mom's behavior took a really strange turn. The scariest part was when she looked down her nose at me and told me she was God. The way she stood there with her fingertips together and the ethereal whispery voice she used gave me the creeps. I went to my room and blocked the door in case she tried to come in. I couldn't be around her when she was like that. Clearly, she wasn't herself. What would she do next? Was I safe? I wished I had a sibling to ride it out with. I felt anxious at school, knowing that Mom didn't want me to tell anyone about our situation. I felt isolated. I couldn't tell my dad, I couldn't tell my grandparents because Mom said they were against her, too.

So imagine my surprise when our dinner was interrupted by a knock at the door. A look through the peephole revealed a strange sight: Grandma, two police officers, and, in the background, an ambulance and two police cars, including a K-9 unit. I told Mom who it was. She yelled, "Don't open it!" But it was too late. As they rushed past me, Mom tried to make a break for it out the back door. I watched the officers tackle and handcuff my mother. I was so confused. Why was this happening? Was Mom right about her parents being "after her?" I went to my room and refused to leave with my grandparents who insisted I go with them. How could I? Mom said they were the enemy. I couldn't betray her...I was so confused.

There was only one person whom I would trust, and that was my dad. I tracked him down by phone and he dropped everything and drove forty miles to get me. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I got in the car with him. I felt safe. Surely Mom would forgive me for telling Dad everything, since he's my Dad for goodness sake. I was glad to be able to get it off my chest, like how everyone was "after her" and that she said she was God and that we even stayed in a hotel because she thought we were being watched... Dad was stunned. He had no idea what I had been through since Karl's funeral, which was only two weeks ago. The most curious thing happened to me on that car ride. It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and for the first time, I understood -- we weren't in danger, there was never any danger -- it was all in Mom's head. I could hear how absurd everything sounded as I told it to Dad. Exhausted, I lay my head in Dad's lap and wept as he drove to my new home with him and to a normal teenage life.

Incidentally, in my first week in English class in my new school, we studied "Julius Caesar" by William Shakespeare. In the story, an oracle appears to Caesar to warn him of danger, saying, "Beware the ides of March..." (Be careful around the middle of March.) After the trauma I went through, I was a little freaked out. I thought, the ides of March indeed! The next few years I was always nervous around mid-March, thanks to that story.

My story isn't done. There is more to this adventure. To be continued...

(Dad, if you ever read this, I'll always be grateful to God for you. Grandma and Grandad, your intervention possibly saved my life. I try not to think about what could have happened if her psychosis had been allowed to continue. My deepest thanks and love.)

No Tubes for You

Many of you know about the problems I've been having for years with my hearing: whenever I get a cold, my ears stay plugged up for a couple of months. Today I went to an ENT (ear, nose, and throat doctor) who gave me a hearing test and looked at my ears under a microscope and performed other tests. I was hoping to discuss with him the possibility of having tubes put in my ears or at least getting a hearing aid to wear when I lose my hearing again.

It turns out that tubes won't help me. The pressure inside my ears is normal. Apparently there isn't a problem (although there could be a slight one) with my eustacian tubes, but he did find an entirely different problem. It turns out that I have a genetic condition (called Oto Sclerosis)which was brought on by my pregnancies -- there's a dead bone in my ears which is causing me to lose my hearing. It's going to get worse, which is not good, but when it gets worse enough, I can have surgery to remove the dead bone and get my hearing back. So it's going to get worse before it gets better. I go back in a year to have my hearing checked again.

A Few Things I'm Thankful For

1. A safe trip to Indiana and back. We just got back this evening.
2. Shane put Allie on the potty when we got home tonight and she actually pooped in it!!! I made a huge deal of it and even took a picture of it, which Allie was excited about. (Her pooping on the potty has been a rare thing so far.) Don't worry, I won't post the picture. :)
3. We got our car fixed the day after Thanksgiving and were able to drive to New Castle, IN and Fremont, IN on Saturday with no problems! It nearly broke down on Wednesday only half an hour from Shane's mom's. I thought it was the transmission but it was only an ignition coil. It wasn't cheap but it's better than paying for a new transmission!
4. A wonderful time with Shane's mom Kay and her husband Bill; Shane's dad Bob, wife Jo, and sister Reba; Aunt Shirley, Uncle Bill, and extended family on the Bentz side; my Grandma and Grandad Sieber and extended family on my mother's side; my dad, wife Diane, and brother Chris and sister Kayla.
5. The life of my uncle Don Mapes, who passed away Saturday after a long illness.
6. Those of you in Indiana who faithfully read my blog. I'm grateful you're there and I'm flattered you come back again and again.
7. The new Newsboys greatest hits CD. We listened to 900 miles worth of it this weekend!
8. Zicam!!! I felt yet another cold virus coming on yesterday. I've been taking Zicam, which is Zinc, and my symptoms are much less severe. Oh, praise God. I have a lot of work to do this week, including babysitting, and I was wondering if I'd be up for it.
9. My gym membership starts this week. Now that the Thanksgiving dinners are over, I'm more than ready to slim down. My current body shape is a lot like my Grandma Mapes': normal arms and legs but a round belly and a double chin. I don't actually mind that too much. When I was a skinny teenager, I wanted to be a homemaker like Grandma and I decided I wanted to look matronly like her too. Now that I'm a homemaker, I'm finding it not necessary or healthy to be (even a little) overweight.
10. Christmas is coming!! I'm looking forward to putting up the tree again with the kids and experiencing the wonder of the season through their eyes. I'm making a nativity advent calendar for them. I'll post pictures of it when it's done.
11. God's watching over us and providing for us and speaking into our hearts through His word and for fellowship with other believers and for contemporary Christian music.

I'm finally posting something! Can you believe it?

I have a good excuse: viruses! Ever since September, it's been one cold after another. If we're lucky, we get two weeks of good health in between. At this moment I'm suffering with a stuffy head, cough, and an ear infection. My voice still sounds raspy -- towards the end of a sentence I'm lucky if I have any voice left! :) Next time I'll try to remember to take that zinc stuff I've heard so many good things about. Zicam, is it called? Whatever it is, it's supposed to shorten the duration and lessen the severity of cold viruses.

So, Saturday, Sunday, and today I spent in bed. When I wasn't sleeping I was reading. Such good stories!! I can't get enough of books. I read two books by Maria von Trapp, the Austrian woman whose life "The Sound of Music" was based on, finished the last novel in the Hornblower series by C.S. Forester, and began a historical book about Napoleon and Josephine. Fascinating stuff!

I'm glad I had those books to keep me company, because being sick is so isolating! I've been missing Shane and the kids. Tomorrow I'm planning to resume babysitting and we're going to the library for storytime and crafts. I'm eager for the busyness of life to resume. I'm sure my poor husband is looking forward to going back to the office again also.

Starting the week after Thanksgiving, I'm getting a membership to a tiny fitness center here in our little village. Tiny though it is, it has all I need: a toy-filled nursery for the kids, workout classes, a few treadmills, stairclimbers and whatnot. The best part is that membership is free if you spend two hours a week supervising the nursery. So that's what I'm going to do. Another benefit (and this is what really pushed me over the edge) is that there are bookholders on the treadmills and stairclimbers! Joy! I can read to my heart's content and not even be aware of the passage of time or of how much my glutes hurt. It's a brilliant plan. I hope I can stick to it. The prospect of my muscles hurting in protest after years of non-use is enough to make me say, forget it, you'll never have the same body as when you were 20; it's too much work! But on the other hand, I've seen what happens after years of a sedentary life: heart disease, stroke, diabetes. Maybe I can't have my 20-year-old body back, but if I can make a few positive changes and live a healthier lifestyle, it's bound to be worth it.