A Letter to Mom

October 26, 2019

Mom,

I'm writing to let you know that your father passed away at the end of August. Isaac and I drove down to Indiana for the funeral. (Shane and Allie stayed behind because she had daily tennis practices and a match or two.) It was wonderful to see everyone. Aunt Sharon was there from Idaho and stayed with Grandma for a few weeks. She is retired now an is considering a move to Arizona. Aunt Margo and Uncle Bob were there. Sasha, Wes and his wife, and Vanessa were there. Uncle Jim, Uncle John and Aunt Deb, Megan (who was expecting her 3rd baby at the time), Jonny and his wife and their little girl, Jack, Jarod and his fiancee (now wife) were also there. As was Uncle Rod and Aunt Betty. We missed you, Uncle Mike, Aunt Leslie, and Collin. Uncle Mike has been losing his vision and Aunt Leslie has dementia. Lots of friends were also there.
The funeral was at the beautifully restored Sweet Church. The bell was rung 95 times as the pallbearers carried the casket across the road to Sweet Cemetery. Grandad's resting place is in the far left corner -- right up against the corn fields. Very appropriate for someone who farmed til he was ninety. The VFW was there and presented their gun salute. My favorite part were the three sailors from the US Navy in their crisp white uniforms. They folded the flag that draped the coffin with precision and care. One of them presented it to Grandma with the words, "On behalf of the United States Navy and the President of the United States, we thank you...." I don't remember the words exactly. There was much sniffling as it was a very moving moment.
After the funeral, Grandma had a minor stroke, followed by another 2 weeks later. An MRI revealed early stages of Alzheimer's. It's my understanding that the stroke didn't have any lasting effects; however at 94 years of age, she is frail.
Shane and the kids and I are doing well. Isaac is enjoying his senior year by joining every orchestra around. He's quite good at the string bass and at music composition. We're looking at colleges.
Allie is enjoying her sophomore year. She enjoyed her 2nd year of junior varsity tennis and has her sights on making varsity next year. She loves tennis so much, she played it daily during the summer. She has the tan to prove it.
I work at a local middle school in special education and I enjoy it. It's rewarding work.
Shane works from home still and enjoys the work he does. He has our dog to keep him company. In February of 2018, we adopted a rescue dog. She's a yellow lab mix about 60 lbs and her name is Raelyn. We got her when she was a year and 3 months old. She was brought up to Wisconsin from Alabama with her one remaining puppy from a litter she just had. It would have been nice if we had been able to keep them together but we couldn't handle a puppy in winter with no one to potty train it except Shane who would be trying to get his own work done. Allie and I are especially fond of Raelyn. She sleeps on her bed at night and takes up quite a lot of space! We laugh about it.
Our kids are growing up and are very nearly grown. We're proud of the young adults they're becoming. They are kind, considerate, generous, polite, thoughtful, and so much more. You would be proud. I know you are. Perhaps one day you'll get to meet them. It is unfortunate that circumstances have not allowed that to happen. Please be patient. I know you don't understand. No doubt it's been painful for you. Please stop calling the police in my area. We are fine. We are not alcoholics. Your disorganized thinking is telling you that. I know it's not your fault. Schizophrenia is a terrible disease that has cost you so much. If only you were aware of how much you stood to lose when you stopped taking your anti-psychotic meds in the late 1990's. Oh well. What's done is done.
I'm happy to send you occasional letters on how we're doing and what we're up to as long as you stop trying to convince people that my children belong with you. Not gonna happen, Mom. When they are adults, they can choose whether or not to meet you. You're just going to have to wait.
Until then, focus on the good things in your life. Be kind to others. Make new friends. Be the kind of person that you want your grandchildren to look up to. Take care of yourself.

Love,

Cindy

Shane's Surgery Now

Shane is in surgery at Johns Hopkins as I type this.  The doctors are taking bone marrow from his hip to strengthen his palate and filling two holes in the roof of his mouth.  He will be at Johns Hopkins for 1 or 2 nights.  Post surgery, he can only have liquids for two weeks.  Poor guy is going to go nuts.  I should have weighed him this morning to see how much weight he loses. He wants to go back to work on Tuesday, but I predict he'll be too weak. 

He will have more surgeries later to fix other things related to his cleft lip and palate, such as his nose and his lip, as well as replacing some teeth with dental implants.  Today's surgery will allow there to be enough bone in the roof of his mouth to let the dental implants hold.  So as you can see, he's just at the beginning of a journey that will probably take a couple of years.  I'm happy for him and look forward to seeing him smile confidently someday.  Just imagine how different he's going to look by the time we move back to Wisconsin in 2016!

Last night we ate dinner at Fuddrucker's (yum!) for his last meal of solid food for two weeks.  I took a short video of him making his "dolphin noise," because today it's going away.  While I will miss it, I'm glad for him.  I told him he's like the penguin in Toy Story whose squeaker was broken, only instead of having it fixed, he's having his squeaker removed. :)  Here's the video I took last night.  (Sorry for the loud background noise.)

I wish I could be in two places at once: at the hospital with Shane and at home getting the kids ready for school.  After dropping him off at the hospital at 5:30am, I came home.  I plan to go back to Johns Hopkins once the kids are off to school and stay with Shane until mid-afternoon; then home to get the kids so they can see Dad.  I'm not sure if they'll let Allie in to see him because she isn't 12.  Please pray for God's will to be done here - on the one hand, she would be super sad not to see him but on the other hand, it might be scary for her to see him out cold with tubes sticking out of him.  God knows best.

I texted this verse to Shane this morning and am holding it near and dear today:

Isaiah 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Thank you for lifting up Shane and the kids and I in prayer.  We can feel it.  May you also feel God's love through us.

Cindy

Cindy's 37th Birthday

My 37th birthday was this past Sunday. It was a blessing to hear from so many of my friends on Facebook who sent their birthday wishes. Isaac and Allison brought my presents to my bedside in the morning while Shane and I were attempting to sleep in. :) Allison got me a princess tiara and Isaac got me some toy capsules that dissolve into spongy insects in warm water (dontcha love it? :) and Shane and kids together got me a lovely snow globe with a verse on it about a mother's love. It was very sweet. We ate brunch and later on had birthday cake and ate an early supper at Taco Bell and then went to church at 4:30pm. After the kids were in bed we watched an old Frank Capra/Jimmy Stewart movie, "You Can't Take it With You." I've always wanted to see it. It was good.

Is it really Tuesday today? This week is already going by so fast! Our school system has no school on Thursday and Friday this week and temps are supposed to be in the mid-to-upper 70's both days. Ahhhh... I can feel the sun's warmth already! I can't wait to soak it in! I was cold today, so this afternoon I decided to warm up my favorite way -- by taking a bath. Allie was playing games on the computer and I told her where I was and that if she needed me to come and knock on my bathroom door. No sooner did I sit in the perfectly warm and relaxing tub than she starting wailing. I'm like, what in the world is going on? I called out to her and she wouldn't answer me. I got out and opened the door a crack and asked her again, and she said that the internet wasn't working. I reminded her that she's supposed to come get me and use her words, not sit there and cry! I got her to calm down, come to my room and watch tv on my bed until I finished washing. So much for soaking!

Judging from my last post, I forgot to update you all on my sinus problem. My ENT says I have Rhinitis, an inflammation of the nasal passages. I'm to rinse my sinuses twice a day and continue taking Nasonex. I still feel like I have a cold all time. Poo. He also said I can't have inner ear surgery until year after the hole in my eardrum heals. No big deal there. I know I'm missing some sounds but I can hear enough to get by, for now.

I just wrote a long letter to a long-lost high school friend, so I'm ready to take a break from the computer and sit in front of the tv with my husband. (If you're reading this, hellloooo, Lori Recker!!!)

Later!

Isaac's strep, Allie's glasses, Our date

Hi family and friends! Just a quick update today -- it's long overdue, I've been meaning to do it, but I'm feeling weird and it's almost time to put supper in the oven. A couple of hours ago, my head started pounding loudly in my ears. This usually happens when I get a fever, but I don't have one, although I feel like I am fighting something. Hopefully, it's not what Isaac has.

Isaac is home with strep throat today. I'm so glad I took him in to the doctor! I had no idea -- I thought it was just a virus because his fever was only 100. I was surprised when the nurse called me back with the results of his strep test that were positive. He didn't act a bit sick at the doctor's office. He was happy and energetic. This morning, before I gave him pain medicine, he was almost in tears because his throat hurt so bad. It's amazing the difference a little Ibuprofen makes in a sick child. It's always good to see your child back to being themselves.

Allison is getting glasses. Our school district recommends vision screenings for incoming Kindergarteners, which is a good thing for this family! Isaac got his glasses at 5 1/2, the same as Allison. Both kids are farsighted. Last week she picked out the frames and we're now waiting for them to come in. She picked out pink frames -- they're a subtle metallic rosy pink which looks lovely with her blue eyes and blonde hair. I can hardly wait to take her picture and post it on here so you all can see what see looks like.

Shane and I went out for dinner last Friday. Allie's preschool, which is in a church, offered babysitting in the preschool room to raise money for a trip for the Junior High youth group. The kids had a great time. Shane and I went to Tony Roma's, which is known for their ribs. We didn't order any. I had steak, baked potato, and steamed broccoli; Shane had a shrimp pasta dish. One of the kitchen staff brought out our meal and assumed that I had ordered the pasta and Shane had ordered the steak. We got a chuckle out of that. Shane said, "Actually, I ordered the shrimp and pasta, and no, I'm not gay!" I just rolled my eyes at his joke. After we picked up the kids, we came home and watched our favorite TV show, "Psych" and played The Settlers of the Catan with our friends Wesley and Kimberly. I really enjoy our Friday nights in general, and it was really special to go out to dinner as a couple.

We have very little snow on the ground at the moment, but that's supposed to change come Tuesday night. Rain will turn to snow overnight and on Wednesday the total accumulation is expected to be 6 to 8 inches. No doubt the kids will be excited to have snow to play in again!

My Day in Court (part 2)

I have never been summoned to jury duty before, not here or in Indiana. It was certainly a new experience. I walked into the waiting room looking randomly at faces that were clear signs of "I really don't want to be here." The people in charge gave us their prepared pep-talk and introduction to the video.

They then mentioned they had some interesting news. They said that there were more people who showed up today than any time in the past two years. I would have thought that was a good thing, but then they followed up by saying that the entire building was having a fire drill at 9am. We all laughed. They gave us instructions on how we would exit the building and where we would wait. They then paused, looked down for a second, then, with as much passion as I would imagine any government official could muster, said, "I exhort you to return." We all laughed again.

Interesting... we have all checked in and now were given an opportunity for release. There was a brief moment of the feeling of prisoners in a chain gang being briefly unshackled from each other in order to be transported through the mall without raising suspicion to the general public. It was tempting, I must say.

We watched the twenty-minute video of how important the jury system was to the American government and then waited for the fire alarm to go off. How fitting that we were in a government building in which a 9am fire drill didn't actually take place until 9.10am. We filed out the emergency exits and waited outside for the sign to come back in. Of course, when we were told to come back in, all 200+ of us potential jurors, plus the employees of the building, were required to go back through the front doors, back through the security. I think the "Grandma" winked at me.

We were all settled back into the waiting room finally, an hour later. At 10am, the same government officials started calling off ranges of juror numbers who were assigned to different courtrooms. My block of numbers were about 60 long, but there were only 30 of us. We headed up to the fourth floor escorted by the bailiff who gave us instructions once were outside the courtroom. No food, no drink, no caps on your head, no speaking unless spoken to -- it sounded a lot like being at funeral or a wedding when you were a kid. No electronic equipment should be on either.

We gathered into the guest area of the courtroom where the judge addressed us and gave us instructions about what would happen. They started calling off names from their list of who we were. Twenty-four potential jurors were selected to sit up in and by the juror box, later to be whittled down to fourteen. It was strangely intense -- wondering if you were the next one to be called. It's not like we were being picked for the lottery or anything life changing. Well, I guess it was life changing -- just not ours.

The idea of being placed in a position of such power over the future of someone else's life is so overwhelming to me. I guess that happens to be a lot like parenting. No wonder parenting is one of the hardest things to do well. I could try to write a book on how being a juror is like parenting, or vice versa, but I shouldn't -- mostly because of a lack of experience.

Yep, you got it -- I was not selected. I wasn't even a part of the original twenty-four. Six of us were left back in the guest section, me and five other women. What are the odds that I would be the only guy not selected? I guess I could actually compute the odds, but that question was meant to be rhetorical. Please do not attempt to compute the odds, nor ask me to.

For those interested, the case was a social services agency against a mother of a little boy requesting the judge for termination of parental rights. I didn't stick around long enough to hear the facts of the case, but the questions being asked of potential jurors were of the "do you have any history of alcohol or drug use in your family that would affect your decision-making in this case" variety. As a parent, Christ-follower, and child of divorced parents, it honestly would have been very difficult for me to be a juror on that case. I cannot say whether God had a direct hand in relieving me from that case, but I am thankful that I was not put in a position to decide the fate of this mother and her son.

Well, the rest is not all that interesting. I was led back down to the waiting room to see if any other courtrooms would need my services. At about 12.05pm, we were all told that all jurors had been selected for the cases of this week and that we could all go home.

And that concludes my most recent run-in with the law. Fortunately, I was on the "better" side of it -- this time. :)

My Day in Court (part 1)

The day approached slowly. This entire past weekend, in the back of my mind, I knew Monday was coming. I hadn't been in a courthouse or, for that matter, had any issues with the law for a long, long time, so as you can imagine, I had mixed emotions. There really was no way I wasn't going, but I really didn't want to. Couldn't I just mail in some money, volunteer at a local soup kitchen, heck... I'd even scrape off road-kill just to make it all go away. Sadly, those were not options for me.

I was instructed to show up at the newly built downtown courthouse by 8.15am. So I got up at 6.30am and prepared myself for the worst. I put on some nicer-than-normal clothes (it's always good to impress the judge). I thought about calling ahead and asking if the judge had a favorite cologne, but I thought that might appear to be kissing up and judges can see right through that stuff -- at least Judge Judy could.

I arrived at the courthouse at 8am just in case punctuality gave me favor to the powers that be. The security check point at the front doors was pretty much a miniature version of what you find in airports, except I didn't have to take off my shoes. All I could do while going through the metal-detecting doorway was pray they didn't find probable-cause to frisk me. I only let a select few do that and the four-foot seven-inch "Grandma" holding onto a metal-detecting wand like she wanted to beat someone with it was nowhere near the list.

Once past the security area of the lobby, I made my way to the check-in area where I was given a form to fill out and told to wait "in there." As I made my way into the waiting room, I saw several others who were just as discouraged and upset as I was to be there. So many people... how could we all be there for the same thing? Why us? Why now? Each of us were once strangers and now, for the first time ever, look each other in the eye, knowing that it was not just coincidence that brought us together. I could see it in their eyes... no matter what political, religious, ethnic, or socio-economic background, it was evident that everyone knew there were greater forces at work bringing us into this room.

It was going on 8.30am and I was starting to wonder when things were going to get started. I just wanted the day to end, to pay my dues the government, and be done with it. Finally, an official-looking gentleman approached a podium and addressed us all. He started out by explaining how great America's court system is -- how it was established at the beginnings of our American time to be objective and fair to every person of every walk of life. How interesting he would say that after my earlier surreal reflection on the group that was now staring back at him.

He closed with a few other nice words and told us we'd be watching a twenty minute video to help educate us about the American judicial system. He knew that many of us would need it since it was our first time being selected for jury duty.

... to be continued ...

A Saturday morning

I took the kids downtown again last Saturday for the Farmer's Market around the capitol square. I do enjoy taking the kids places where they can learn more about the places that are outside of our neighborhood. We did the typical walk around the square with the mass of other people who were at the market as well. I never feel more like a salmon than when I am at the Farmer's Market -- even more than when on the highway during rush hour.

After our traditional walk around the square, the kids always want to go up to the balcony of the capitol building. It is open to the public and goes completely around the capitol dome, so you can see a lot of downtown and the lakes in all directions. At the time, it was everything Allison wanted in the world just to go up to the balcony. When we got there, she took one look over the edge and wanted to leave. :( I held her the entire time and of course never went near the railing.

As it was approaching noon, we made our way back down the capitol building for some lunch. A quick stop at the drinking fountain outside the capitol building gave Isaac some time to do a little show-boating for the public.

So... with lunch in our tummies, cookies and cheese curds in hand, we headed out to one of their favorite parks where there just happened to be a carnival going on, and boy, do our kids love carnivals. They enjoyed their cookies at the park and the many things to do there without pressing too much to ride the carnival rides. After a very busy morning and afternoon, we headed home where I was hoping we'd all enjoy nice long naps, but oh no.. not our kids. Silly kids. Don't they know I'm old?

Back to school, back to health, back to normal

It was so good to send Isaac back to school today. I'm sure his friends will be glad to see him and he them. He's on his second day of antibiotics. He never had a fever that I noticed yesterday. He said he was tired this morning so I hope he does ok. If he's still tired after school I'll have him lie down for a while. Thank goodness it's Friday! Tomorrow Shane and Isaac are going to Walking with Dinosaurs at the coliseum. We got him tickets for his birthday back in March. He's very excited.

While the guys are at the show, Allie and I are going to the free zoo in Madison. Afterwards we'll all meet up and have dinner at Culver's. At first Allie was disappointed to miss the dinosaur show, but when we talked about what we would do with our mother daughter time, she got very excited about the possible places we could go and things we could do. We also explained that Isaac got fewer birthday presents because of the cost of tickets, and so she decided that on her birthday she'd rather have toys than see a show. :)

It feels so good to get back to normal!

What's New

Some of you faithful readers have been waiting a while for another post. I apologize. Spring has sprung in Southern Wisconsin and we have been spending less time indoors. Here's a rundown of what's new in the Bentz household.

• Isaac's left tooth has finally broken through the gum. It's been awhile since he's had any teeth up there! The right tooth may take a little longer due to nerve damage that happened when he nearly knocked it out two years ago.


• We're going to have an InterVarsity intern live with us for 3 months over the summer. Her name is Sarah. She's from Virginia. We spoke over the phone and we really hit it off. I'm looking forward to meeting her in person. The rent we'll receive from her staying with us will help offset the loss of my babysitting income over the summer. Shane and I are thinking of putting her in one of the kids' rooms and moving the kids into the same room while she's here. We could put her in the roomy bonus room, but it gets very hot in the summer. However, that would probably be the best place for her if we get an air conditioner.


• Shane is building a huge shelf for our storage room in the basement. It's going to be a much nicer place to store all of our Sam's club buys. We always have plenty of paper towels, toilet paper, canned veggies and fruit, cereal, napkins, and whatnot.


• Shane's Mom and Bill came up and stayed with us last week. It was a lovely visit and we hated to see them go. The next morning at breakfast, Allie asked me, "Are Grandma and Papa coming over today?"
• Shane has two days of meetings coming up on Monday and Tuesday and will be working about 12 hours those two days. Please pray for God's will to be done as big decisions are being made that may affect him.
• Have you noticed the poll in the right-hand margin asking you to vote on whether I keep my gray hair? Well, I finally decided to color it dark brown. It was too dark at first but now it's showing some "natural" highlights. The salt and pepper look is not for me. Maybe in a few years when I have more gray, I'll let it go au naturelle. For now, I'm going to have to be chained to the coloring bottle.
• I'm still doing exercise classes at the gym. I'm not losing any weight but at least I'm gaining muscle and building endurance. If only I could break my love affair with sweets, I might get somewhere!
• Shane bought a big HD tv recently. It's for the basement when we get it finished. For now, it's on our dresser. I love sitting on our bed folding laundry with the tv on.
• I have one more Stampin' Up! workshop to do next month, and then I'm retiring. I'll keep selling Stampin' Up! products for anyone who wants to place an order, but no more workshops for me. As long as I still sell $300 a quarter to meet my sales quota, I'll keep my active status. For right now, I'll be able to place orders through the end of the year. After that, I don't yet know.
• I got a laptop for my birthday last week. It's been nice to take it all over the house and even outside while the kids are playing. No more wondering what the kids are up to downstairs while I'm using the computer. Now I can go where they go. It's pretty sweet! Thank you, Bill, Kay, and Shane!
• Allison is doing a great job writing her name and is showing more of an interest in words. She likes to put a bunch of letter magnets together and ask me, "Mom, what does this spell?"
• I signed the kids up for a slew of summer school classes in July. Both kids will take swim class at the Oregon Pool. Allison will also take a pre-Kindergarten class for 4-year-olds. Isaac has an earth science class and a math game class. Isaac will also be in t-ball. He's excited about it. I can't wait to take some home video of one of his games! By the way, summer school here in Oregon is nothing like the remedial bore that I had to endure as a kid. It's very popular here, and classes fill up in minutes. Our school system has a lot to offer and I'm so glad we're in it!
• Shane and I went out to dinner for my birthday. That morning I had a restaurant in mind but I couldn't remember the name of it. So I searched online and made reservations and that night we went there. Only it wasn't the restaurant I thought it was. On the way, we actually passed the restaurant I had in mind but couldn't remember the name of. But we decided to check the other place out. It turned out to be a super fancy place. We just about died when we saw the prices on the menu. The average dinner was $50. That's just for one person. I was like, my birthday isn't worth this much! So we made up an excuse to the hostess and left. We went to the other place and was told that the wait was 45 minutes! Yikes! We called the sitter to let her know we might be late and we even debated going to yet another restaurant, but everything turned out ok because we were seated after only 20 minutes. It was a delicious Italian meal. I never had spinach fettucine noodles before, and now I'm hooked. Yum.
• Our dear friends Nathan and Kelli and their one-year-old son Eli are coming over for brunch tomorrow morning, so I'd better hit the hay or I'm going to be toast in the morning! Ha ha! Later!

Shane interviewed by Local TV News Crew

On Friday afternoon, a Channel 3 TV (my favorite, yay!) news crew came to our door and wanted to know our Sump Pump Story. So I told them, and they wanted to interview me on camera. But I said, sorry, I'm too shy, but my husband will be home soon and you can talk to him. I'm sure he won't mind. He's an extrovert and likes to talk. :) Click on the play button and enjoy!