A Letter to Mom

October 26, 2019

Mom,

I'm writing to let you know that your father passed away at the end of August. Isaac and I drove down to Indiana for the funeral. (Shane and Allie stayed behind because she had daily tennis practices and a match or two.) It was wonderful to see everyone. Aunt Sharon was there from Idaho and stayed with Grandma for a few weeks. She is retired now an is considering a move to Arizona. Aunt Margo and Uncle Bob were there. Sasha, Wes and his wife, and Vanessa were there. Uncle Jim, Uncle John and Aunt Deb, Megan (who was expecting her 3rd baby at the time), Jonny and his wife and their little girl, Jack, Jarod and his fiancee (now wife) were also there. As was Uncle Rod and Aunt Betty. We missed you, Uncle Mike, Aunt Leslie, and Collin. Uncle Mike has been losing his vision and Aunt Leslie has dementia. Lots of friends were also there.
The funeral was at the beautifully restored Sweet Church. The bell was rung 95 times as the pallbearers carried the casket across the road to Sweet Cemetery. Grandad's resting place is in the far left corner -- right up against the corn fields. Very appropriate for someone who farmed til he was ninety. The VFW was there and presented their gun salute. My favorite part were the three sailors from the US Navy in their crisp white uniforms. They folded the flag that draped the coffin with precision and care. One of them presented it to Grandma with the words, "On behalf of the United States Navy and the President of the United States, we thank you...." I don't remember the words exactly. There was much sniffling as it was a very moving moment.
After the funeral, Grandma had a minor stroke, followed by another 2 weeks later. An MRI revealed early stages of Alzheimer's. It's my understanding that the stroke didn't have any lasting effects; however at 94 years of age, she is frail.
Shane and the kids and I are doing well. Isaac is enjoying his senior year by joining every orchestra around. He's quite good at the string bass and at music composition. We're looking at colleges.
Allie is enjoying her sophomore year. She enjoyed her 2nd year of junior varsity tennis and has her sights on making varsity next year. She loves tennis so much, she played it daily during the summer. She has the tan to prove it.
I work at a local middle school in special education and I enjoy it. It's rewarding work.
Shane works from home still and enjoys the work he does. He has our dog to keep him company. In February of 2018, we adopted a rescue dog. She's a yellow lab mix about 60 lbs and her name is Raelyn. We got her when she was a year and 3 months old. She was brought up to Wisconsin from Alabama with her one remaining puppy from a litter she just had. It would have been nice if we had been able to keep them together but we couldn't handle a puppy in winter with no one to potty train it except Shane who would be trying to get his own work done. Allie and I are especially fond of Raelyn. She sleeps on her bed at night and takes up quite a lot of space! We laugh about it.
Our kids are growing up and are very nearly grown. We're proud of the young adults they're becoming. They are kind, considerate, generous, polite, thoughtful, and so much more. You would be proud. I know you are. Perhaps one day you'll get to meet them. It is unfortunate that circumstances have not allowed that to happen. Please be patient. I know you don't understand. No doubt it's been painful for you. Please stop calling the police in my area. We are fine. We are not alcoholics. Your disorganized thinking is telling you that. I know it's not your fault. Schizophrenia is a terrible disease that has cost you so much. If only you were aware of how much you stood to lose when you stopped taking your anti-psychotic meds in the late 1990's. Oh well. What's done is done.
I'm happy to send you occasional letters on how we're doing and what we're up to as long as you stop trying to convince people that my children belong with you. Not gonna happen, Mom. When they are adults, they can choose whether or not to meet you. You're just going to have to wait.
Until then, focus on the good things in your life. Be kind to others. Make new friends. Be the kind of person that you want your grandchildren to look up to. Take care of yourself.

Love,

Cindy

Things My Grandma Taught Me

To Grandma Sieber, with love.

Things my grandma taught me:

• Hospitality - "Are you hungry? Here, let me fry you up a pork chop."
• Generosity - "Come down to the cellar and you can collect the pennies from all the pocket change left on the table." My Bugs Bunny bank held a lot of those pennies!
• A love of animals, including how to talk to cats (and dogs) - Grandma once had a black-and-white cat named Blackfoot, whom she adored. He adored her right back. I marvelled at how he would flop down on his back and writhe around happily at her feet while she cooed at him, telling him what a good kitty he was. To me, he was a snob:  hissing merely because I wanted to pet him. (How dare he?! I was totally innocent!) Haha. Incidentally, I still talk to cats and dogs the way I saw her do it and it drives my husband nuts. He'll leave the room if I start up. 😄
• The importance of quality time - Before I knew what "quality time" was, I knew that my relationship with my grandma was a special one. Although some of my best memories are at my other grandma's house (thanks to cousins), Grandma Sieber was my favorite grandparent hands down. She spent a lot of one-on-one time with me. She taught me how to play cards, how to shuffle (an important life skill, as I once tried to convince my reluctant daughter), how to play Chinese Checkers, how to bake bread with its many steps: kneading, punching the dough down after it rose... Those were wonderful years when I had grandma all to myself. ❤ (EDIT: I don't mean for this to come across as bragging. As an only child of a mentally ill mom, I grew up spending so much time by myself, that it meant that much more to me that Grandma was willing to spend time with me. My mom was often in her own little world. Case in point: one day she was tending to her flower garden and ignoring my attempts to get her attention. Apparently, I decided to run over her 'precious' annuals with my bike. The neighbor, who recounted this story to me years later, watched in sadness as my mom continued to ignore me and forlornly tried to put her flowers back together. I understand it now, and even feel compassion for her, but back then, well - let's just say that her lack of attention to me was difficult in many ways.)<3 li="">
• The importance of a sense of humor - We often enjoyed making each other laugh. We could joke around over the phone for 30 minutes without really saying anything at all. Silly phrases like, "Dad burn it anyhow," "He doesn't know sick-'em," "Have I reached the party to whom I'm speaking?" and "See you in the funnies!" It didn't make sense to anyone but us. As an adult, I also talk to my daughter in our own special lingo, which (surprise!) drives Shane nuts, so we're stealthy about it. 😏
• How to laugh with your whole face - I loved it when she'd throw her head back and guffaw. Once, in the 1970's, my dad took a well-timed picture of her doing that. It's one of my favorite pictures ever.
• How to use nicknames as terms of endearment - Hers for me was, "Cinny Linnie;" mine for her was "Grandma Linnie." (Naturally!) Once again, I have continued this tradition with my children and my pets. Isaac is "I-Zee", Allie is "Sweets", and Raelyn the dog is "Rae-Nut."
• How to make birthdays special - Grandma made a three-layer white cake with butterscotch pudding in between, covered with seven-minute frosting. It was a sight to behold and heaven to eat. She made one for everyone's birthdays. I didn't realize the amount of work involved until I grew up and moved away. I missed her cakes so much, I decided to make them myself. I quickly gained a new appreciation for her and the time it took to make just one cake with all of its assembled parts.
• A love of family - Grandma loved all of us. After my mother's schizophrenia became profound, causing her to denounce Grandma and Grandad, Grandma once told me that she and Grandad would welcome her back with open arms, no questions asked.
• The importance of healthy habits - At the breakfast table one morning, I watched Grandma lay a paper towel on the table in front of Grandad, then one-by-one, she placed several vitamins on it. Aghast, I asked, "Is that all Grandad gets for breakfast??" I was relieved when she brought out a box of Frosted Flakes.
• The importance of staying physically active - She enjoyed cooking and baking for loved ones and farmhands, vegetable gardening and flower gardening, playing bridge, and a great many other things. She wasn't one to sit on her hands. Her longevity speaks for itself.
• How to get little ones to sleep - Once in a while, I would stay the night at Grandma and Grandad's house. As I settled in for the night, she tucked me in - starting at my toes, working her way up my wiggly legs and arms as we both giggled. Then, she soothingly crooned, "Seepy-seepy-seep.... Seepy-seepy-seep..."  I used that a good many times over the years with my own kids and with kids in my care. My friends called me "The Baby Whisperer" because of it. I was proud to say, "I learned it from my grandma, who learned it from her mother."

Grandma, if you ever get a chance to read this, I just want to thank you for your investment in me when I was young. As you can see, I have relied on your example on multiple occasions, as you no doubt relied on your mother's and your aunts' examples. Someday, my children will rely on my example. All this excellence has stayed in the family and will continue on through generations. We are strong women who come from strong women.

I love you, Grandma Linnie. Yours, Cinny Linnie<3 div="">

Selling Mom's Stuff

It feels like a relief to slowly get rid of my mother's stuff. I guess it has taken me since last fall to realize that she won't be needing it. I don't know where she is staying or if she is taking her meds. Hopefully, she'll stay in the Baltimore area and continue working with her mobile treatment team. It's depressing to wade through disorganized papers wadded in drawers, with even more disorganized thinking on them.  She is so very very sick. I have more papers to go through, and I dread it.  I skim them and keep the really bad ones in case I ever need proof of her illness. Although if anyone talks with her for 5 minutes it is evident.

Our village is having a village wide garage sale Mother's Day weekend. I plan to have a sale for all the things that we brought up from her Louisville storage unit last year.  It seems appropriate. If I find her, I'll send her the money from the sale so she can continue to live independently. Or, if she needs furniture, we'll buy replacements.  None of her possessions are anything I recognize from my childhood.  My guess is that all of those ended up in another storage unit somewhere and was auctioned off like in American Pickers.  I try not to think about the trunk full of heirlooms and somebody bidding on it. Oh well. You can't take it with you when you go, so you might as well let it go now.

Mother's Day is one of the worst holidays for me. It's the one day of the year that I feel overcome by grief.  She is alive, yet gone. I mourn the relationship we used to have. Her smiles and her saying, "I love you," or "I just enjoy you so much."  She may be capable of saying those things still, but other conversation is very limited and complicated. Maybe someday I'll be better able to articulate this. I guess it's like talking to someone with brain damage who has delusions of grandeur about herself and delusions of the worst in everyone else.  Oh, the things I have read!

Maybe Mother's Day will be different this year, knowing that I'm doing something to help her. Maybe I'll be able to think about my own family or my amazing stepmom or my wonderful mother-in-law, or my friends who show me up close how to be a mom.

I look forward to having an empty basement and garage and being able to move on from the hopes I let get too high.

Surgery update

Shane's surgery went well, except it wasn't exactly the surgery Shane thought it was going to be.  He thought he was getting bone put in the roof of his mouth, but that will be the next surgery (Stage 2).  Today was Stage 1 -- patching the holes in the roof of his mouth and repositioning the muscles to their proper place.  In Stage 2, they will also fix his lip.  At minimum, that surgery will be 3 months off.  In Stage 3, they will fix his nose so he can breathe better.

More later.

Shane's Surgery Now

Shane is in surgery at Johns Hopkins as I type this.  The doctors are taking bone marrow from his hip to strengthen his palate and filling two holes in the roof of his mouth.  He will be at Johns Hopkins for 1 or 2 nights.  Post surgery, he can only have liquids for two weeks.  Poor guy is going to go nuts.  I should have weighed him this morning to see how much weight he loses. He wants to go back to work on Tuesday, but I predict he'll be too weak. 

He will have more surgeries later to fix other things related to his cleft lip and palate, such as his nose and his lip, as well as replacing some teeth with dental implants.  Today's surgery will allow there to be enough bone in the roof of his mouth to let the dental implants hold.  So as you can see, he's just at the beginning of a journey that will probably take a couple of years.  I'm happy for him and look forward to seeing him smile confidently someday.  Just imagine how different he's going to look by the time we move back to Wisconsin in 2016!

Last night we ate dinner at Fuddrucker's (yum!) for his last meal of solid food for two weeks.  I took a short video of him making his "dolphin noise," because today it's going away.  While I will miss it, I'm glad for him.  I told him he's like the penguin in Toy Story whose squeaker was broken, only instead of having it fixed, he's having his squeaker removed. :)  Here's the video I took last night.  (Sorry for the loud background noise.)

I wish I could be in two places at once: at the hospital with Shane and at home getting the kids ready for school.  After dropping him off at the hospital at 5:30am, I came home.  I plan to go back to Johns Hopkins once the kids are off to school and stay with Shane until mid-afternoon; then home to get the kids so they can see Dad.  I'm not sure if they'll let Allie in to see him because she isn't 12.  Please pray for God's will to be done here - on the one hand, she would be super sad not to see him but on the other hand, it might be scary for her to see him out cold with tubes sticking out of him.  God knows best.

I texted this verse to Shane this morning and am holding it near and dear today:

Isaiah 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Thank you for lifting up Shane and the kids and I in prayer.  We can feel it.  May you also feel God's love through us.

Cindy

Shane eating green onions

New House Pics - Outside

Stamp Sets for Sale

Hi Stamping/Scrapbooking Friends!

I have 25 14 stamp sets left for sale.  See below.  First come, first served!  I am willing to ship. They're going fast!

Cindy

Happiness is Stampin' Up!     $1

Trick or Treat     $3

Halloween Backgrounds     $3

Simple Birthday Thanks     $5

Haunting Halloween (unmounted)    $5

So Very     $5

All Natural     $5

 

Send a Celebration     $5

Polka Dots and Paisley     $5

Sidekick Sayings     $5

By Air     $5

Crayon Kids (plus a few extras)     $10

Stella Stamper     $10

Business Memos     $7

Sold:
Best Yet $3
Perfect Presentation $5
Reverse Prints     $5
All-Around Argyle     $7
Shore Thing     $5
Love It     $5
Loads of Love Accessories $5
Ahoy, Matey     $5
Very Punny     $5

My Constipated Brain and Big Kid Underpants

Sometimes as I experience life, I imagine I'm narrating a novel and I think, this (or that) would make a good blog post.  Now, as I sit down in front of my blog, all the thoughts I had are all crammed into a knot in my constipated brain.  What the heck happened??  lol.

As I mentioned on Facebook tonight, I took the kids to WalMart.  After we got home, I had the kids go into separate areas to try on their new underwear over their current pair.  They looked huge when I took the undies out of the packages and we had our doubts, but...  Suddenly I hear Isaac laughing (which is a normal occurrence for that dear boy) and he comes out and they fit!!  Allie's fit too!!  We all laughed together and couldn't believe how much they've grown over the school year.

I don't know where today went, but since it didn't really start until 10:30am...  I finished mowing the front lawn where I had to stop last night because I ran over Allie's glasses.  In between a couple of long breaks I mowed the back yard, which I consider to be huge.  Shane, with his long strides, can get it done in probably half an hour where it takes me all afternoon.  (I wish he were still here!) Then I washed towels and sheets -- especially important after our recent stomach viruses -- be gone, germs, wherever you hide!

Allie is having a farewell/slumber party on Tuesday with 5 or 6 of her friends.  She is obsessing over every detail.  I talked her down from planning every single minute of the party and explained how perfectionism can set us up for disappointment.  For example, what if the other girls don't want to watch the movie she picked out?  She'll be devastated if she doesn't know when to let go and go with the flow.  I've seen it before:  she plans everything so carefully and is crushed when things don't go according to plan.  I don't want for my dear daughter to hurt like that.  After all, who can control everything?  Only God can.

Strangers Are Aptly Named

So.... a funny thing happened to me the other day when I was out shopping for a kilt. What? You didn't know I was interested in buying a kilt? Well, I guess I have kept that info a bit to myself some. Yes, I am interested in expanding my wardrobe options and as a guy, there are actually very little options for me, so I'm pursuing them. Anyway, my wardrobe is beside the point.

So.... I went to this specialty store the other day to shop for kilts. It's kind of a costume store with other novelty items like swords, pirate hats, magic wands, etc. I walk in to be greeted by the owner who I can't really describe as an aggressive salesperson, but she was definitely a personable person and had next to no personal space -- which I don't really have a problem with, but I just need to prepared for such an event.

She asks me if I need help and I tel her I'm interested in looking at kilts and a coworker told me to come by this place. I told the owner the name of the coworker and she said, "Oh.... you're the kilt guy." I'm the kilt guy? Really? I just walked into my first kilt store and I'm already known as the kilt guy. I admit -- I can leave impressions on people, but come on.... this was a bit ridiculous.

She goes and gets me a brown-shaded kilt and says, "Why don't you try this one on?" Instead of handing it to me, she proceeds to wrap her arms around my waste and put it on for me! Hey now, lady! I just met you!

She also now hands me what I've heard described with many names. It was a white long-sleeved shirt that people like pirates and old time poets (like Shakespeare) would wear. It was rather large on me and the long sleeves were "puffy." It had no collar, but it did have two top buttons like a polo shirt has. I took the shirt and the kilt which is now draped around my waist to the dressing room so I could at least put a shirt on with dignity. I took my sweater off (don't worry, I still had a t-shirt on) and put the "puffy" shirt on. I'd say I was starting to look like a authentic Scotsman, if it weren't for the fact that I really just looked like a middle-aged bald white guy dressed up in a Catholic girl uniform. I buttoned up the shirt mostly because I really had no idea how to wear the shirt and headed out to the main part of the store so my new best friend, the store owner, could assist me some more.

Ok, so if it hasn't already been an adventure, here's where it actually gets creepy. I suggest pregnant women and those with weak hearts stop reading now.

I get out to the main part of the store and the store owner comes over to check me out. She recognizes, as I did, that I look more like a Catholic school girl than an authentic Scotsman, so she proceeds to put the sash over my soldier and pin it on my shoulder with a broach. I told her that she was the first stranger to ever broach me. She must have felt a bonding a moment because I have no other explanation for it.

She looks up at me and asks me, "Are you fuzzy?" I briefly pause unsure what she means and how to answer. I'm generally not ever in a situation where I am at a loss for words, but I gotta tell ya, she really threw me on that one. I was about to answer her question with another question, something along the lines of "Excuse me? What do you mean?," but I never got a chance to get it out. She reaches over to my neck, unbuttons the top button of the "puffy" shirt, tugs down a little on my t-shirt, and says to me, "Yep, you're fine."

Now, here's the deal. I can generally handle a lot of situations with calm, rational acceptance, but this lady has crossed so many lines, I couldn't keep up counting them. I just stood there in amazement -- no words, no movement -- I had no response at my disposal, nothing in my arsenal, nothing I could even manufacture for such an event.

As I stood there in disbelief, she actually goes over to the rack to pick out a couple more kilts that I might like and try on. She hands them to me with eager anticipation for me to come back from the dressing room. I was like her new little Barbie doll she could dress in a variety of outfits. I have never been so scared in my life.

I had to get outta there. I proceeded to make up some excuse for leaving; I can't actually remember what it was anymore, but I might have said that she had so many options, that I should bring my wife back with me. Are you kidding me? No way I'm going back there if psycho-saleslady is working that day. At least, if I do go back, I really will take my wife so she can make sure no one else in the store gets to see how "fuzzy" I am.

Will I ever get a kilt? Well, maybe. Maybe not. But it sure is interesting shopping for one.

Thorns and Blessings

I just spoke on the phone with Aunt Margo for an hour and 20 minutes, and boy does my ear hurt! But it was SO worth it to hear her warm voice and to share pieces of the puzzle. My goodness. What a puzzle the mentally ill can make of things.

One of the things I didn't know was that in 1978 or 79 my mom took an intentional overdose of sleeping pills, and that's when she was committed to the mental hospital the first time. (Dad says it wasn't enough to kill her but enough to be a cry for help.) I remember her being in what was then called the South Unit of Parkview Hospital. She assembled a pair of leather moccasins for me which I would later wear until they were too small. I'm glad I had no idea at the time that it was a suicide attempt. I'm also glad that she survived. I can only imagine the profound sadness and bewilderment I would've carried all my life if she'd been successful.

Last week I enjoyed lunch and games at Grandma and Grandad Sieber's house with Isaac and Allison. Grandma patiently taught Allison how to play Crazy 8's while Isaac and I played a game. Afterward, while the kids played outside in the little snow there was (especially compared to Wisconsin!) Grandma shared with me the details of an unpleasant development from the day before. She and Grandad had received a summons to appear in Family Court in Louisville, KY in 7 days. My mother filed a petition against her parents listing several charges which are too ludicrous to mention, but which give some insight into her delusions. But I'll save that for another time. When I thought about my elderly grandparents driving all the way down to Louisville to be wrongly maligned by fabrications, I felt indignant. I thought, she's gotta get by me first! Nobody messes with my grandparents! :) I left their house that afternoon with photocopies of their summons (summonses?) and my heavy heart full of prayerful snippets. One sentence prayers are usually all I can manage when it comes to my mother: Lord, help her. Open her eyes. Lord, keep her safe and other people safe from her. Lord, please get her the help she needs. Lord, I don't know what exactly to ask for her, so please just help her.

When I got to Dad and Diane's that night and told them about the summons, they reacted the same way I did. "She did what?? What is she thinking?" (That's always the question, isn't it?)

After I got back to Wisconsin a couple of days later, I thought a lot (ok, worried) about my grandparents and whether they would make the trip, whether they could handle the trip with Grandad's infirmities, and whether they could find a lawyer. I asked some Facebook friends to pray and was touched by the support I got from them and from my Aunt May and Aunt Marilyn on Dad's side. What blessings!

There were more blessings in store when I talked to Aunt Margo this afternoon. The one that almost knocked my socks off had to do with the lawyer. The first guy they tried was uncaring and very nearly rude. The second lawyer was on vacation, but her partner was available. Enter Chris Stewart, lawyer extraordinaire. Aunt Margo was able to get in touch with him almost immediately yesterday and he was very much 'present' and involved. I'm so glad! The court proceedings lasted 25 minutes this morning, which the lawyer will get G&G a videotape of. Omigosh, we'll get to see her on tape. I've been wondering what she looks like now. He said she was nicely dressed, articulate, and well-spoken. Then, the judge, who Aunt Margo praised for being "exceptional," told mom very tactfully that if she wants to leave the past in the past that she should do exactly that. The charges, which were too vague, where dismissed. Or, as Grandma put it, "They threw it out." I liked that. As they should.

In my frustration with Mom I sometimes think of her as a thorn in one's side. At times in my side, but most of the time in the sides of my grandparents. But when Aunt Margo described to me the love she saw in G&G's eyes when they talked about her, their oldest child, I was moved. My grandparents still love her. If only she could grasp that. Bless them, Lord, for their steadfast love.

A Fun Couple of Days!

There was no school in our district for the past two days, and we couldn't've asked for better weather. After the rain ended yesterday morning, I took the kids (Isaac, Allison, and Brock) to Kids' Crossing, a park with a huge wooden playstructure that the kids can run around in. Since other area schools were in session, we practically had the place to ourselves!

Today we went to garage sales in beautiful Mt. Horeb in the morning and had lunch at a McDonald's with an outdoor playplace. Brock had a moment of personal triumph when he overcame his fear and crossed the suspension bridge. Isaac helped Brock go halfway across and then he went the rest of the way by himself. Another time, he climbed high up and was freaked out about climbing back down. I was really proud of Allison for using encouraging words to help him down little by little. I was really proud of all of them. Having all three kids together added a fun dynamic. Both boys get to play alone with Allison often but not with each other as much. It was a lot of fun.

Here are some pictures. For some strange reason, blogger put them in reverse order and I don't have time to rearrange them. To view them in chronological order, start with the bottom photo and go up. Enjoy! :)

Cindy's 37th Birthday

My 37th birthday was this past Sunday. It was a blessing to hear from so many of my friends on Facebook who sent their birthday wishes. Isaac and Allison brought my presents to my bedside in the morning while Shane and I were attempting to sleep in. :) Allison got me a princess tiara and Isaac got me some toy capsules that dissolve into spongy insects in warm water (dontcha love it? :) and Shane and kids together got me a lovely snow globe with a verse on it about a mother's love. It was very sweet. We ate brunch and later on had birthday cake and ate an early supper at Taco Bell and then went to church at 4:30pm. After the kids were in bed we watched an old Frank Capra/Jimmy Stewart movie, "You Can't Take it With You." I've always wanted to see it. It was good.

Is it really Tuesday today? This week is already going by so fast! Our school system has no school on Thursday and Friday this week and temps are supposed to be in the mid-to-upper 70's both days. Ahhhh... I can feel the sun's warmth already! I can't wait to soak it in! I was cold today, so this afternoon I decided to warm up my favorite way -- by taking a bath. Allie was playing games on the computer and I told her where I was and that if she needed me to come and knock on my bathroom door. No sooner did I sit in the perfectly warm and relaxing tub than she starting wailing. I'm like, what in the world is going on? I called out to her and she wouldn't answer me. I got out and opened the door a crack and asked her again, and she said that the internet wasn't working. I reminded her that she's supposed to come get me and use her words, not sit there and cry! I got her to calm down, come to my room and watch tv on my bed until I finished washing. So much for soaking!

Judging from my last post, I forgot to update you all on my sinus problem. My ENT says I have Rhinitis, an inflammation of the nasal passages. I'm to rinse my sinuses twice a day and continue taking Nasonex. I still feel like I have a cold all time. Poo. He also said I can't have inner ear surgery until year after the hole in my eardrum heals. No big deal there. I know I'm missing some sounds but I can hear enough to get by, for now.

I just wrote a long letter to a long-lost high school friend, so I'm ready to take a break from the computer and sit in front of the tv with my husband. (If you're reading this, hellloooo, Lori Recker!!!)

Later!

Ear Problems

What a weekend. Friday night at dinner Allie's ears started hurting so bad she was in tears. She and I left our dinners on the table and left for Urgent Care right then and there. She's now on an antibiotic for a double ear infection and possible strep throat. I say 'possible' because since Isaac had it a few weeks ago, they wanted to treat her just to be safe. Urgent Care was super busy and we didn't get out of there until 2 hours later. Thankfully, the ibuprofen I gave her had taken her pain away while we were waiting or else it would've been really horrible to have a crying, whining child in the waiting room and not be able to do much about it.

Saturday was fun. It rained all day and so we played boardgames, Uno, and games on the Wii.

Sunday morning we went to church at 10:45 am instead of the usual 4:30pm time. I woke up so tired that morning and I could hardly wake up even though it was 9am. We were planning to have some friends over for dinner, but unfortunately, it started sleeting and the roads were getting bad so they cancelled. It's just as well, since I developed an earache in the afternoon and had to go to Urgent Care. The physician's assistant said my eardrum looked white instead of red. I said, it really does hurt! So he prescribed an antibiotic for me anyway. After I got back from the doctor and the pharmacy, I blew my nose and the pain in my ear went through the roof. (I didn't know until afterwards that you're not supposed to blow your nose when you have an earache.) Shane had a hot water bottle ready for me and I sat down with it and tried to relax. A few minutes later, my eardrum burst. Wow, did that ever hurt. It brought tears to my eyes. My ear bled for about two hours and continued to drain fluid. I called Urgent Care and talked to the physician's assistant who saw me and I happened to mention that I have scar tissue on that eardrum. He said, "Oh, no wonder it was white! I couldn't see the infection because of the scar tissue. You should see your ENT." So, now I have an appointment with my ENT for Thursday afternoon. I want to make sure my eardrum heals properly, especially since there's so much scar tissue on it already. The ENT's nurse said my eardrums burst because of a sinus infection. I thought that was interesting. She seemed more concerned about my sinuses than my ears. I don't think anything can be done about my sinuses, however, because my CAT scan results were normal. If you ask me, something's not right with my eustacian tubes. They never drain the way they're supposed to. I hope Thursday's appointment goes well and that the ENT and I can communicate clearly so we can understand what's going on and how to treat it. I wonder if there's a way to get rid of the scar tissue. I can hardly wait for Thursday!

I can see clearly now....

Welcome to the new Allison, full of confidence and excitement that she is no longer the only Bentz in our household who doesn't wear glasses. She is very stoked about them and wears them religiously.

She is also very protective of them. When she needs to take them off, she is very careful with them and makes sure she puts them in her new glasses case.

And in case it isn't obvious by what you know of Allison, her glasses are even etched with the Barbie logo along the side.

Isaac's strep, Allie's glasses, Our date

Hi family and friends! Just a quick update today -- it's long overdue, I've been meaning to do it, but I'm feeling weird and it's almost time to put supper in the oven. A couple of hours ago, my head started pounding loudly in my ears. This usually happens when I get a fever, but I don't have one, although I feel like I am fighting something. Hopefully, it's not what Isaac has.

Isaac is home with strep throat today. I'm so glad I took him in to the doctor! I had no idea -- I thought it was just a virus because his fever was only 100. I was surprised when the nurse called me back with the results of his strep test that were positive. He didn't act a bit sick at the doctor's office. He was happy and energetic. This morning, before I gave him pain medicine, he was almost in tears because his throat hurt so bad. It's amazing the difference a little Ibuprofen makes in a sick child. It's always good to see your child back to being themselves.

Allison is getting glasses. Our school district recommends vision screenings for incoming Kindergarteners, which is a good thing for this family! Isaac got his glasses at 5 1/2, the same as Allison. Both kids are farsighted. Last week she picked out the frames and we're now waiting for them to come in. She picked out pink frames -- they're a subtle metallic rosy pink which looks lovely with her blue eyes and blonde hair. I can hardly wait to take her picture and post it on here so you all can see what see looks like.

Shane and I went out for dinner last Friday. Allie's preschool, which is in a church, offered babysitting in the preschool room to raise money for a trip for the Junior High youth group. The kids had a great time. Shane and I went to Tony Roma's, which is known for their ribs. We didn't order any. I had steak, baked potato, and steamed broccoli; Shane had a shrimp pasta dish. One of the kitchen staff brought out our meal and assumed that I had ordered the pasta and Shane had ordered the steak. We got a chuckle out of that. Shane said, "Actually, I ordered the shrimp and pasta, and no, I'm not gay!" I just rolled my eyes at his joke. After we picked up the kids, we came home and watched our favorite TV show, "Psych" and played The Settlers of the Catan with our friends Wesley and Kimberly. I really enjoy our Friday nights in general, and it was really special to go out to dinner as a couple.

We have very little snow on the ground at the moment, but that's supposed to change come Tuesday night. Rain will turn to snow overnight and on Wednesday the total accumulation is expected to be 6 to 8 inches. No doubt the kids will be excited to have snow to play in again!

A Morning of Thankfulness and Praise!

I'm having a great morning. School was cancelled again today due to freezing temps and I am at home with my two lovely children. Isaac just left to go on a playdate with his friend D.J. Allie is singing loudly in the bathtub and playing with her tub toys.

As for me, I am praising God because my ears are finally opening up. I've been trying unsuccessfully to pop my ears for weeks, when suddenly I heard a click when I swallowed and I thought, "This could be it. Now would be a good time to try to pop my ears." I tried it and I heard a rapid succession of popping that sounded like fireworks. I knew right away it had worked because I suddenly became aware that the music in my room was unbearably loud. This is only my right ear, mind you. But I'll take what I can get. In the meantime, I'll keep believing that the left ear will open soon, too. Praise the Lord! - which is exactly what I did when my ear opened up. I was listening to praise music by Phillips, Craig, and Dean (PCD) and boy, did the lyrics ever speak to me:

"Like an ocean breeze blowing on your face

like a summer sun with it's warm embrace

like a gentle rain plays a symphony

that's what I want my praise to be.

Like a fragrant rose in the early Spring,

like an eagle soars when it spreads its wings

Whatever, Lord, you may need from me

That's what I want my praise to be."

I love how the lyrics in this song captivate my senses. Having one of them restored to me filled my heart with thankfullness and praise. Thank you, Lord! May your name be praised!

Happy New Year!

It's been awhile since I last wrote. Here's what's been going on in the Bentz household.

• I registered Allie for Kindergarten this week. We went to the District Office to drop off the forms and I turned to Allie and said, "That's it. You're now registered for Kindergarten!" Allie jumped up and down and said,"Hooray! Can I ride on the bus with Isaac tomorrow?" I told her, "Not yet. You have to finish preschool first and then you'll go to Kindergarten in the Fall."
• We are under a Wind Chill Warning from 6pm tonight (Wed.) through noon Friday. Area schools are expected to be cancelled. Tomorrow's high is minus 5 degrees and the wind chills are expected to be between 35 and 45 below zero. Even if school isn't cancelled, I'm keeping Isaac home!
• Isaac and I went to Cub Scouts last night. He decorated some lovely votive candleholders and colored a page that showed the Food Guide Pyramid. Afterwards we went to the library to get some books and videos to ward off any cabin fever we might get in the next few days.
• Last Friday we had friends over to watch our favorite TV show "Psych" and play a board game called Settlers of Catan, which I got for Christmas. We had a great time. The game went for an hour or two and we opened a bottle of wine which I got for Christmas from Dad and Diane. It was good red wine from Steuben County, IN, called 101 Lakes.
• Allie has her first eye doctor appointment coming up in a week or two. It's not required for addmission to Kindergarten, but they strongly recommend it. I'm curious to see what her vision is, because we're forever telling her to back away from the tv.
• Isaac seems to be doing well in school. He's reading at a 2nd grade level. I wish he enjoyed reading as much as I do. I can only get him to read the books he brings home for homework. Otherwise, he wants me to read to him. I bought him some chapter books recently to try to peak his interest. Some of them are simplified versions of books like "Treasure Island" and there's also a book about the history of chocolate, which he loved.
• I have an appoinment with my ear doctor in a few weeks to test my hearing and talk about whether I qualify for ear surgery yet. In case you forgot or didn't know, I have a dead bone in my ear that needs to be replaced when my hearing gets bad enough. Aside from temporary hearing loss from my headcold and allergies, I haven't noticed any dramatic hearing loss, so I'll be surprised if I qualify for surgery yet.
• I just finished cleaning the kids' toilet upstairs, a job I hate. Brock had an accident, which is rare and totally fine and understandable. There was pee on the floor and on the sides of the bowl, which I cleaned up. While I was there, I cleaned the toilet and the walls and floor around it because Isaac keeps missing the mark. I'm so glad I painted the walls with semi-gloss paint! Cleaning that toilet would be so much easier if he made the mark.
• I've enjoyed seeing my Mapes aunts and uncles and cousins on Facebook recently. If you don't know what Facebook is, it's a social networking website. I've been in better contact with them lately than I ever have been. What a blessing it's been to get to know my family all over again. Many of them live in the Fort Wayne area. Others live all over: Southern Indiana, San Diego, Seattle, Tucson, Ft. Sill, OK, Phoenix, and Arkansas. I've also been able to reconnect with old friends from high school and college who I thought I would never see again.
• I'm currently reading a large volume of short stories about the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle, as well as "Memoirs of a Mangy Lover" by Groucho Marx. It's not Groucho's best work; I far prefer his autobiography called "Groucho and Me," which I own a copy of and read it over and over again because it's so funny. Back to Sherlock Holmes. The stories are very interesting and often have plot twists. The stories take place in London in the late 1800's. If you know me, you know that I love English literature before 1900. They have a way of writing with such wordy conciseness (an oxymoron, I know) and they sometimes use big words that stretch one's vocabularly. Perhaps later this year I'll look into Charles Dickens' books too.
• Time to go read to Brock and Allie before naptime. Brock usually sleeps from 2 to 3:30. Allie usually stays up and plays quietly. Today, I may have her take a nap because she's been such a grouch. Wish me luck! :)

Sickness and Snowstorms

Poor Allie is sick today. This afternoon her fever climbed to 103.6. It's very rare that my kids would ever have a fever that high. I had the day off from babysitting, which is good, because I don't think I'd be able to hold Allie all day and give Brock the proper amount of attention he deserves. She's been lethargic and not eating or drinking very much until this afternoon, when she had her next dose of medicine. When it wears off, you can really tell! I'm taking her to the doctor tomorrow morning (in between snowstorms!).

Tonight we're supposed to get 3 to 6 inches of snow. Thursday, we're supposed to get 6 to 12 inches of snow. Therefore, I felt a sense of urgency to have Allie looked at by the doctor before we're snowed in! To make things worse, our temps have been in the single digits with the wind chills below zero. This December feels more like February! Last December was bad, too, and that set us on course for a record snowfall. I hope we're not in for another record snowfall this season!

The kids are picking out a movie for tonight and we're going to stay home, stay warm, and help Allie get some rest. I've been fighting a cold myself, and my head has been pounding all day. :(

Christmas Party

We had a very good time at the I.T. Christmas Party that we hosted last night. (I.T. stands for Information Technology, Shane's department at InterVarsity. ) Our house was the cleanest it's been for a long time! The kids played upstairs in the playroom while the adults visited downstairs. We had a White Elephant gift exchange and then took turns playing the Wii. It was fun seeing people play Wii who have never played before.

Today, I'm exhausted and going to bed early. I spent all week cleaning, tidying up the place, and baking Christmas cookies and banana bread. It was a full week. I'm starting to feel a little run down, like I'm fighting a cold virus. I've been taking allergy-sinus medication and that has been helping some.

Tomorrow night is Allison's Christmas program at preschool. We'll be sure to take pictures of her on stage with her classmates. It's going to be so cute! It's hard to believe this is our fourth and last year of the program. Isaac did it for two years, and Allie for two years. Then next year my baby girl starts Kindergarten.